oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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