Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize