So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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