last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
