Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
