I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
