my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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