I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
