im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
