This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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