just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
