My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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