ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
