I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
