Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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