This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
