she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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