theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
