you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
