sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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