Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
