I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize