so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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