omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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