at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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