Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She bit a glass in half.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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