I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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