He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize