So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize