I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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