We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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