just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
