Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I AM VODKA MAN
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
