i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
