i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
