we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
