dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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