i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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