hotel room ftw
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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