Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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