I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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