there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
two words: eviction party
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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