hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize