Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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