he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
