i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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