Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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