Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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