yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
