I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
