when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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