mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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