Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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