his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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