1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When are your genitals available?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
