My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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