just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
