I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
