the condom got lost in my hair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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