Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Buhtt sex?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
