From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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