She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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