just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
