I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ambien. No doubt about it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
