I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
