Im at strip club and am horny
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize