i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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